No one sensible enjoys long awkward silences on the first date, but it can be tricky preparing yourself for an excellent first date conversation. After all, your date is likely to plan how they want to get to know you. The first dates resemble a job interview or, worse, some interrogation is a definite no-no, but this is a common trap many unprepared daters fall into.
Of course, it is helpful to have a list of conversation topics for the first dates ready in the back of your mind, and even mentally rehearsing questions to ask on the first date can boost your confidence and provide the kick start you need. However, in the end, you will have to think and react on the fly because good conversation, even between strangers, is a two-way interaction dependent on effective listening and relevant questioning
Learning how to break the ice and so you can manage your first meetings not only takes off some of the pressure but creates that valuable good first impression that could lead to you meeting again. Perhaps the hardest part of a date is calming the inevitable emotional jitters, so you’ve a clear head and can really listen and think up responses that show you at your best. Adopting deep breathing techniques aside, here are a few other useful points to keep in mind that could help you enjoy a worthwhile conversation with a new date and, more importantly, keep it going.
It’s sensible to start the first date conversations by using what you already know about your date. If you’ve found your partner through an online dating site, such as WantMatures.com, the chances are you’ve already enjoyed chatting by text or interacting with each other in the chat rooms, so now, it’s time to expand on the topics you’ve texted about, face to face, in real life. Opportunities to chat online in a familiar and secure environment can make it much easier to have something to say when you eventually meet.
Your first date should be about discovering more of those mutual connections that made you come up as good matches online, but if finding an opener is proving a struggle, start with the obvious you have in common. It’s surprising how few words are needed to open the conversational door when you’ve a partner who is also looking for an opening so ask if they’ve visited the dating venue before. Even the simplest comments said in good spirit and well-meant could be the springboard into a conversation and a brand new relationship.
The reason you are meeting is to get to know each other better, and there is nothing wrong with asking some questions directly. However, it is often better to keep questions general and not ask anything too intense or personal. Hobbies and interests are traditional safe places to start. Once you relax, you’ll find it easier to pick up on the more subtle discourse cues in body language we often miss when we’re nervous about continuing the conversation.
Asking a few questions is expected, but too many is off-putting and can make some people uneasy. It is where being a good listener comes in, and you will notice your date sending you cues that signal it's your turn, inviting your input in the conversation.
Don’t turn up with a whole list of questions. Just ask one and listen and enjoy finding out where the conversation takes you.
Make no mistake, the first date is a big deal, but nerves can keep you from showing who you really are. Sometimes, thankfully, couples just click, but others, for all sorts of reasons, struggle to get to that point, especially if your partner is nervous too, which is why it’s a good idea to have a back of more light-hearted ways to kick start a conversation. For instance:
Other than these ideas, there are the usual topics such as music, movies, food or wine, dog lover or cat cuddler, genuine interest and sincerity, and all appropriate and safe conversation starting points.
When you're dating after divorce or returning to the dating scene after a while, you should be very careful about what questions to ask on the first date. While there are topics to have a good first date conversation, there are topics you would like to avoid. For instance:
When on a dating site like WantMatures, it's also a good idea to avoid making your conversation about sex, using innuendoes, or offering suggestive compliments. Coming on too strong, too early can turn off women who are looking for meaningful relationships. However, in these modern times, there are exceptions to this social rule such as when you’ve used a dating site to hook up with a partner, or you’re seeking an NSA or FWB sex based relationship.